10 signs of a controlling relationship

There are many signs that point to a controlling spouse. Sometimes it happens so subtly that we may not even recognize these signs. These signs, once we are aware of them, are easy to spot in a controlling relationship.

In our fourteenth year of marriage, my ex husband and I went to counseling. The counseling was for his bipolar mental health illness, but marital counseling was a part of this. The counselor worked with us and informed us about control issues. My, ex husband and me both recognized that control issues had been present in our marriage since the beginning.

Manipulation

Is a vivid sign of a controlling relationship, and sometimes it is hard to ignore this one. You spouse or spouse might say 'if you do not do this, I will do this'. He or she is attempting to control you and your actions with manipulation.

Implied Violence

This is another sign of controlling spouse or spouse. If your spouse often is seen raising a hand, when he or she hears something from you that they do not like. This is control, which implies violence. If you do not go with the plans, they have in mind; they do intend to harm you or perhaps merely want to scare you into doing their bidding.

My way

If your spouse or spouse always wants to do things their way, and pushes your wants and desires out of reach this is a sign of a controlling relationship. The spouse or spouse wants to have everything their way, and wants total control of everything. It is not healthy, all relationships needs compromise on both sides.

Financial control

Does your spouse control the money, demand that you pass over the checkbook, or give you an allowance. If you have a job, the money should be yours to do what ever you wish to within reason of course. After bills are paid, your spouse should have no say what happens to the money.

Refusal to let you do normal things

One of the most belittling ways a spouse or spouse in a controlling relationship can do is to deny you your basic rights. These can include the refusal of you having a job, your own bank account to not having a driver's license.

Isolation from family and friends

If your spouse keeps you away from friends and family this is a control issue. He or she might tell your family one thing and you another. Try your best not to allow that to happen, as your family and friends are your best support system.

Denial of routine medical care

If your spouse or spouse has the financial means to afford insurance but chooses not to, then there is a control issue. However if that spouse or spouse has insurance but prevents you from going, or refuses to give you the co-pay for these appointments this is control.

Backhanded compliments

When I spouse tells you something such as 'you have a beautiful face, but your body is too large' that is a backhanded compliment. If your spouse says, something like you will not find someone else to love you as I do. That is not love, it is control.

Jealousy

If your spouse or spouse shows up often at work to check up on you or times your trip to the grocery store this is a form of control. He or she is jealous of you and needs to control you even when you are not with them. If you are simply working or shopping, there is no need for your spouse to be jealous.

These are all signs of a controlling relationship, my advice is to get counseling, and if that does not work, then you need to get out of the relationship. The control issued can get better but it takes both people working together in equal amounts to end the control. If your spouse is not willing to work with you, there is no reason for the relationship to continue.

http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-a-Manipulative-or-Controlling-Relationship

http://www.way2hope.org/family-articles/signs-controlling-relationship.htm