Cultivating a Positive Attitude in Your Child: A Daily Bonding Exercise

Cultivating a positive attitude in your child may seem difficult at times. A single incident or hurtful word from another can seemingly erase all recollection of happiness from their day.  This sure fire, easy bonding method for parents and caregivers will enable your child to keep things in perspective, enjoy a sense of genuine gratitude and smile, daily.

Begin by consciously engaging in conversation with your child, every day. If they have been separated from you (due to school, camp, family visit etc.) make it a habit to strike up casual, unforced conversation. Ask how their day went (or is going). Use open-ended questions to get a better sense of how your child is feeling. Don't be afraid of the silences that will inevitably occur. Keep the atmosphere laid back, especially if your child needs the time to open up. Kids will almost always fill quiet space with words if given the opportunity. See if you can glean any information as to the small things or moments that had your child feeling loved, nurtured, having fun or enjoying their time. Even the smallest instances, such as a good chuckle or the smell of fresh grass on the way to school can be very significant and evoke strong emotions.

Conversely, it is also appropriate to ask if there is anything your child would change about their day if given the chance. This can allow for great insight into what (if anything) may be troubling or concerning them, and, more importantly, provide an opening to discuss a possible course of action, or allow some therapeutic venting. Let your child know that it is okay to be sad or feel hurt or disappointed when things don't go well or as planned, but that it will be okay. You will get through it all together.

Before your child goes to bed, install a new step in their routine: ask them to tell you what the three best things about their day were. They can be anything, large or small. Even in a so-called "terrible" day, it is unlikely there was nothing enjoyable. Younger children may need some prompting, which you can provide by leading them into whatever small pleasures you learned of earlier. Did they get a right answer at school? What made them laugh today? What was the best thing they ate? Or saw? Did they get to go someplace special, or enjoy the sunshine? Again, resist the urge to fill the silence of a young person's thought process. Allow them the time it takes to think of three things on their own. Let them carefully, objectively, filter their day through a positive lens.

As they share their 'best things' or moments, ask questions and encourage them to keep telling you their stories. "Re-living" these moments will not only make them (and you!) smile, but also get them into the wonderful habit of recognizing, and being grateful, for all the good in their lives. You may be surprised (and delighted!) to know that one of the highlights was having a conversation with you.

It's never too late in the day to create some new 'positive' or happy moments with your child. Remembering this can be very helpful when they've had a particularly hard go of things...and can guarantee new and unique memories while connecting with one another on a daily basis.